MAXI-Mum Impact!

It wasn't the look I'd been hoping for. I'd rushed out and bought my maxi dress after spotting Coleen, Cheryl and Gwen Stefani wearing theirs. 'They look really girlie and dainty,' I'd thought wistfully, admiring how the colourful fabric floated around them. But even though mine was practically identical it looked more like my mum's curtains than a fashion statement.

'I can hide under it,' my three-old daughter squealed, diving underneath the metres and metres of material. It was another half an hour before I could drag her out, 'It's a tent,' she giggled. 'Can I sleep it in tonight, Mamma?'

I shook my head. We had a friend's barbecue to go to so I slipped on my silver flatforms (I was determined to be fashionable even if they did – eek!- look hideous!) and put a braid in my hair, hippy-style.

My husband did a double-take when he saw me. I smiled, pleased I'd impressed him with my up-to-the-minute ensemble. 'I didn't know it was fancy dress,' he sniggered. Rolling my eyes, we headed off.

When everyone complimented me on my boho look, I grinned, relieved. Only then, as I stood chatting, I wrinkled my nose. I was sure I could smell burning. 

I glanced over at the barbecue, and made a mental note not to have the veggie sausages. They'd been incinerated. 'Typical bloke's cooking,' I thought.

Then I started feeling hot. 'It's a sizzler today, ' I joked, fanning myself. But I was worried. I was absolutely boiling. 'I can't be menopausal,; I thought, my cheeks burning with another hot flush. 'I'm not that old.'

Just then my Other Half pounced on me, his eyes wild. 'Maybe I look red-hot,' I mumbled. 'He can't keep his hands off me.' But he was stamping on my dress. 'Fire,' he screamed. 'FIRE!'

Shocked, I realised my voluminous dress had billowed out, hitting the barbecue, where it had caught light. Luckily my husband had spotted the flames round the bottom. By the time he'd put out the fire, it was ruined. I suppose I could cut off the burnt bits at the bottom and wear it as a mini.

Anyhow, I'm off the killer Maxi look. It's strictly unfashionable but very safe trousers for me from now on!